


it comes and goes in waves (and carries us away)

by poeticandvaguelysweet



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2020-12-07 10:07:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20974118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poeticandvaguelysweet/pseuds/poeticandvaguelysweet
Summary: a collection of drabbles, vignettes and prompts for Darvey





	1. #1 - Intuition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all!! 
> 
> It's been a long time since I wrote fanfiction for something other than the ship that has controlled me for the last four years. But, I binged watched all of Suits in two weeks and my fingers are itching to add some stories for these characters. You can find me on tumblr, fanfiction.net and twitter under the same handle. 
> 
> Come say hi!!

They had been married three days when he woke up to an empty bed. It was the sunlight that woke him, breaking through a gap in the curtains to streak across his face. He could faintly feel the warmth of her tucked into his right side and her hand light on his chest. Blinking against the blinding light Harvey stretched, his arms reaching across the space Donna had vacated sometime while he was sleeping. He couldn’t tell if the sheets were still warm from her body or if it was the warmth from his, seeking her out. Harvey reluctantly pulled himself from bed, curious and concerned about the complete silence of the apartment and the whereabouts of his wife.

Donna hadn’t been well in the last few days; something about the whirlwind they had sent themselves through had caught her immune system off guard and she was suffering for it. He had found her too many times with her arm bracketed across her waits and her body kneeling in front of the porcelain gods. She had complained of dizziness, sluggishness and a faint appetite thanks to the upheaval of her stomach’s contents every few hours. She was nauseous at every second, a win Donna had claimed when she had managed to keep the vomit at bay. He hated to think she was hurting and had removed herself to save him from being woken by her. He was happy to hold her hair and rub her back as this bug tore itself through her. Isn’t that what husbands were for?

Harvey moved quietly; feet silent against the flooring as he toss a cursory check to the bathroom first, before roaming through the rest of the apartment. He didn’t have to travel far, finding Donna tucked into a corner of his leather couch, her feet curled up underneath her while her teeth chewed softly on her bottom lip.

‘Hey.’ Harvey breathed both a greeting and relief as he dropped a kiss to the top of her head. ‘You feeling alright?’ His hand fell to her shoulder where it gave her a supportive squeeze.

Donna shook her head, tilting her gaze up to meet his in the tangerine light stretching amongst the high rises. ‘If I sit really still, I don’t feel like I’m going to throw up.’ Harvey couldn’t think of the last time he saw Donna sick. Hell, he was pretty confident she _didn’t_ get sick at all. His heart ached, contracting without a way to help her.

‘You want me to get you a tea or something?’ He was coming up short. What did people do for their loved ones when they were under the weather? And how did he not know the answer to that when it concerned his wife? Donna gave him a weak nod that set his heart to beat with an urgency at the tips of his fingers. He would get it for her as fast as he could.

Maybe they needed to book a doctor’s appointment just to be on the safe side of things. With a prescription and a doctor’s guidance he would feel a little better equipped in handling the illness that was plaguing her and with a certainty that it was a stomach bug Harvey felt he could rest easy knowing she would recover from it soon.

‘Good thing we didn’t book that honeymoon, hey?’ Harvey teased with a warm smile, hand holding out the tea he brewed for her. She took it with a small, grateful smile and a soft thanks, hand wrapping around the mug before she pulled it towards her chest. They could have picked up and gone to Paris, Spain, the Mediterranean for a week or two. They had the time, but with a hurried marriage and an impending move to Seattle they had decided to wait until after they married for a second time to include their families. That way, Donna had argued, they could enjoy it without conversing with Rachel every two days on apartments in the city.

He sat beside her, his knee nudging against hers as he watched Donna take a tentative sip. Satisfied, his hand settled on her thigh, fingers squeezing gently. ‘Harvey, I think I’m pregnant.’ The words tumbled out of her as she sunk her teeth into her bottom lip, nervous and _scared_. The air sat still between them, like neither was breathing and she felt his fingers flex against the fabric of her pyjama pants.

‘Are you sure?’ Was all he managed to let out, the words soft and barely spoken.

She knew everything, she was Donna after all. ‘Let’s call it intuition.’ The dates lined up, the nausea, the dizziness, the fact that her usually regular period was late and her breasts were starting to get a little tender. ‘Oh,’ she breathed, ‘and there’s this’. Shifting, she took one hand off of her mug to slide into the pocket of her dressing gown. It took a second for Donna to fish out the positive pregnancy test from where she had tucked it, hands shaking and head trying to figure it all out. Her hands were still shaking now that the focus was on them and what she was about to reveal, the tea in her mug rippling with the tremors.

Harvey’s mouth opened and closed without a sound, eyes wide and swimming with something Donna almost couldn’t read. He was scared, she knew that much. She felt it to, an anxious energy vibrating under her skin. He said they were forever and Donna knew it had taken him so long to make a move because he needed to be sure on that. But a baby so soon. Were they ready for this?

‘Harvey, say something.’ He took the mug out of her hand, placing it on the coffee table before he turned back to her. His cheeks split into a wide grin, almost cracking his face in half as his eyes shone with the same happiness he exuded on their impromptu wedding day.

‘Yeah?’ His voice cracked, the word barely making it past his dry and astounded throat. ‘You’re pregnant?’ Tears were brimming his brown eyes, mystified. He reached for her, hands sliding around her waist as his lips met hers in a crushing kiss that he hadn’t meant to be so hard. Donna returned the fervour, nipping at his bottom as a reflection of his reaction. Harvey grinned against her lips, full and joyous as a chuckle bubbled out of him. ‘Really?’ He asked, pulling away as his hands skated from her waist to her thighs, fingers gentle as he tugged her legs out from under her body to stretch across his lap.

Donna rolled her eyes with a fond smile biting at the inside of her cheek. ‘Do you want me to go get the other four tests I took?’ Harvey shook his head. He believed her. Donna had never been wrong about anything before. ‘We’re going to have to hold off on getting married for our families.’ The last thing she was going to commit to was planning and taking part in a wedding while her body swelled to accommodate another life. The Vera Wang dress she had her eye on in the last few days, would not be altered to fit a baby bump. She wasn’t wearing Vera while pregnant. They could get married quick, there was no need for the fairy tale, but Donna wanted it. She yearned for the dream of the white dress and the twinkling lights, her father walking her down an extravagant aisle littered with more flowers than she knew what to do with.

Harvey chuckled again, ‘Your mom’s going to kill me’. Donna only smiled. Her parents were already suspicious that something like this was happening when she called to tell them of her sudden and immediate nuptials. It had been the first question out of both of their lips and now it made Donna’s cheeks warm to think that in a way they had known before she did.

‘What’s a few months in comparison to the years we wasted?’ He leant in to kiss her again, his touch softer than the first. He splayed his hand across her stomach, wide palm and thick fingers applying gentle pressure as he tried to wrap his head around what was growing beneath her skin. He stared like he could see right through the layers of her body to peer right at the bundle of cells he had helped to create. ‘You okay with this?’ She lifted a hand to his neck, touch barely there as she scratched at the small hairs on the back of his head, her thumb stroking the soft skin behind his ear.

They hadn’t talked about this. They hadn’t had time. Donna knew where she stood, despite the nerves she swore made her nausea all the worse. Despite knowing Harvey inside and out, this was a question she could never pin an answer to.

‘Yeah.’ He answered, words stuck until he cleared his throat. ‘Yeah, of course. Are you?’ She gave him a little nod. ‘I told you forever, Donna. This is only part of it.’ His thumb stroked over her stomach, eyes flicking from the pattern to meet with her hazel gaze. ‘Hey, we’re going to be starting in Seattle with everything we need.’ In love, married and committed, baby on the way. Forever was in motion. ‘You are marvellous to me.’

‘I love you.’ She whispered quietly, like it was a secret just for them as the sun continued to rise over New York City skyscrapers, littering his apartment with the warm glow of an early morning. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling Harvey closer, his body moving to hover over the top of hers. ‘Can we go see Lucy later today?’

It had only been three days, but it was unquestionably clear how much Donna _adored_ Lucy Litt. She had beamed when they met the baby, practically glowing as she held her while Harvey stood right by her side with his heart in his throat. The vision of her standing there, excitedly holding a newborn had scared him and where he loved seeing her so happy at the new life, he was itching to leave the second they had the chance. Now, he felt the slight tingle of excitement for an opportunity to hold a baby as pending practice. He hoped it would quell the insecurities inside of him, if not, he did _enjoy_ watching Donna hold Lucy.

His heart swelled at the thought of her holding the baby and soon a child of their own, Donna beaming at him in her usual love-struck way that would only made his heart beat faster. When he woke, he didn’t think he would be anxious to meet a life that was still months away. He hadn’t anticipated that bombshell falling from his wife’s lips in the near future or the far, but now he realised that maybe he had been holding his breath for her to suggest it. Suddenly and all at once his thoughts were consumed of a little redheaded firecracker calling him daddy and grinning with her mother’s knowing smile, eyes shining with mischievous hazel. He was going to give her the world when he finally met her and every day from then on out would be about making his daughter and her mother happy.

Harvey hadn’t realised how much of a new start they were going to have in Seattle. It was an opportunity to break away from the fast-paced nature of New York, the hectic calamity of it all would leave them behind where he could take it day by day, helping the little guy with Mike and working on putting his family first. Call it Donna’s intuition rubbing off on him, but he had a feeling things were going to work out fine for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also accept prompts through my Tumblr inbox if you have anything, in particular, you want written. I will see what I can do with my mind and my time!


	2. #2 - Daughters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey spends a mundane evening with his daughters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's me again. 
> 
> This time with a little random family fic, it's just domestic nothingness, an evening with Harvey and his twin girls inspired by this ( post/188226442259/harvey-specter-complete-mush-for-his-girls-he) image I posted on Tumblr. The gif got a lot of attention and it killed me, so I thought why not?! I'm still trying to learn these characters in preparation for a multi-chapter I have promised a few people.
> 
> I consider this to be a random little AU where they have babies and still live in NYC.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who read my first little drabble and enjoyed it, I was really happy to read that. This one is in no way connected to the last.
> 
> Enjoy!

There was something about the city during Fall. Summer was still clinging to the air, warm and comfortable as the temperature slowly began to drop. He spent more time outside during those tentative few weeks where the air was sweet with pumpkin spice and crackling foliage. It felt easier then, to stroll the streets, soaking in the change of the seasons before the weather made walks like this impossible.

The lights on the street were just turning on, a chill settling in the air as commuters with a similar mind meandered up and down the street. Halloween decorations had begun to creep across storefronts advertising seasonal products that in a few weeks, would disappear until next year.

'Daddy, I want to be a purple princess and a witch.' A little voice piped up beside him enthusiastically, her small fingers gripped his right hand tightly as she skipped in step beside him. Harper with her straight strawberry blonde hair had a habit of clinging to him as if she loosened her grip for a second, he would disappear.

Harvey only chuckled, squeezing his daughter's hand in return as he tried to picture the vision, she had for her first proper Halloween. His job was to make her happy and whatever Harper asked for, Harvey was happy to oblige.

'Daddy?' Whiplash yanked at him like it did in that funny little way, the voice standing to his left tearing his attention away from the one on his right. He forgot sometimes, for a split second, that there was two of them. Harper on his left, Grace on his right, mirrors of each other brought into this world to gleefully mess with him. 'I want to be a ballerina, 'cause you can only be _one_ dress-up'. Grace was almost an identical copy of her sister had it not been for the strawberry blonde hair that persisted in keeping tight ringlets around her head. Officially, they were identical but there were so many _little_ things about them that insisted on being different.

'Nah-ah!' Harper retorted in a voice that sounded entirely too much like her mother. 'You can be _all_ the dress-ups.' Harper was the unpredictable one, unexpected Baby B who developed her mother's flair for the dramatic. At four-and-a-half Harper Rose Specter had defined her personality as the rebellious one who hid behind a sweet face but had a love for slowly driving her sister crazy. Where Grace was neat and organised, perfectly dressed and contained, Harper was wild. She wore black and white striped tights instead of the pink stockings the ballet uniform required, her sneakers were bright colours that matched next to nothing in her wardrobe. Expensive clothes were wasted on Harper who always found a muddy puddle even on the driest of days. She was a rebel, a renegade, a girl after his own heart.

It was a miracle they lasted as long as they did in the womb together, evidently, it was the longest stretch of time between Harper and Grace where they weren't fighting. They bickered about toys, attention, who tucked in who first and how they did it and now that their sentences were long and their vocabulary had grown substantially, they argued about the other's logic.

'Daddy, I can be anything, can't I?' Harper tugged on his hand, staring up at him with large hazel eyes that always seemed to pull him in.

He thought they had longer on this, the sibling arguments that made no sense and the headache of it all. He was used to rallying clients, making sense of their quarrels and foraging agreements it wasn't so easy when the case involved his daughters on opposing sides.

'Anything.' He answered, knowing he would willingly give his daughters the world. He squeezed each of their hands. 'If Harper wants to mix her dress-ups, she can.' Grace pouted, the same pout his wife was bound to give him the second she realised Harper wasn't going to play ball on coordinating costumes, not now that he had given her permission.

It was the first year they were going to take the girls trick-or-treating, their first _real_ Halloween where they were out on the street with all the other kids, knocking on doors and receiving sugary treats. Donna had something planned, only the perfect costumes for her girls, but she had not anticipated their spirit to be either own entities.

'My legs are tired.' Grace whined, her hand heavy in his, steps faltering as she complained. Harvey didn't hesitate before he scooped her up, hoisting the girl on his hip before they continued walking down the street.

'That better?' He asked, squeezing Grace's hip beyond the tulle of her tutu. Her head dropped to his shoulder as she gave him a small nod. This was what made it all worth it, the affection his girls managed to show him with cuddles and kisses that never seemed to end. He had been scared when the sonogram showed two babies rather than the expected one. Harvey didn't know what they were going to do or how they would manage two little lives at the one time. He didn't think he could shave that much time off his day, didn't think he could find the time at all. It all melted away the second they were there, two little pink bundles sitting in the crook of each arm. They were going to be fine. He suddenly realised how much he would sacrifice for their love and happiness.

He kissed Grace's cheek and gave her another squeeze. 'Are you going to show me all those dance moves you've been practising?' He jostled Grace, bouncing her on his hip with concern that she might just fall asleep on him. Tired girls lead to cranky girls and the last thing they needed at Thursday night ballet was a tantrum.

Harvey didn't always get to come to ballet, he tried but often cases weren't that simple. Sometimes he got caught in a meeting or had to finish up a deposition. It was rare that he had the opportunity to pick them up _and_ take them to ballet, enough so that Harvey had been looking forward to it all afternoon.

'I can show you!' Harper broke away from his hand to skip a few steps ahead of him. She twirled, arms above her head as her tutu bounced with her movements.

'She's not doing it right.' Grace whispered where only Harvey could here. He chuckled, rolling his eyes at the two of them before his hand reached out for Harper. Harvey looked up as she took his hand again, falling back into step beside him. Standing out the front of his daughter's ballet studio was his wife, radiant as ever, red hair cascading down her shoulders, dress fitting snug against every curve. His heart warmed at the sight of her, almost skipping a beat with an excitement he would never get sick of.

Her eyes met his over the bustle of people on the street, a grin spreading across her cheeks in a way that made Harvey tingle. That smile was all for him.

'Mommy!' Harper pulled away from his hand once again, finally spotting her mother waiting for them. Their feisty daughter had a week spot for her mother, running full pelt towards her, Harper crashed into Donna's legs. Donna crouched to accept her daughter's hug, arms wrapping tight around Harper's before she stood, lifting the little girl to sit precariously on the bump that was subtly announcing the life growing inside of her. Harper giggled as Donna kissed her cheeks, peppering her touch left and right, over the ridge of her daughter's nose and back again before they shared sweet butterfly kisses.

'Hey, trouble!' Donna grinned; the smile uncontained as it burst across her face. It didn't matter how long it had been since she last saw her daughters, she was always excited for their bright smiles and eagerness to see them. 'Were you good for Daddy this afternoon?' She asked, eyes raising to meet Harvey's as he came to stand beside her. He pressed a kiss to her cheek in greeting, his hand warm on the small of her back as she felt her body relax at his touch and presence.

'Always.' Harper and Harvey replied, mirrored father/daughter grins climbing across their cheeks.

'What about you, sulky-face?' Donna reached for Grace's chin, her hand squeezing briefly before they turned to tickles, trying to crack an easy smile. 'Were you good? Did Daddy spoil you?' She knew the answers; Grace was always good, and Harvey would always spoil his daughters regardless of their behaviour.

'We went to Tiffany's!' Grace smiled, cheeks round and happy as she thrust the signature blue bag she had been holding towards her mother's face.

'Oh, my goodness, Tiffany's before ballet, you must have been _very_ good.' She gave her husband a pointed look despite her wide smile.

'Perfect angels,' Harper supplied.

'What she said,' Harvey responded with another peck to his wife's cheek. 'We got you something too.' He knew that would sweeten her irritation if only a little. They were trying to make sure their children weren't spoiled brats, but it hadn't helped when Harvey carved the second their eyes light up with wonder towards anything in their line of vision.

'Oh, well, if you got _me_ something too, I can't complain, can I?' She grinned, Harvey reflecting her smile with adoration in his eyes. He had once been terrible at buying her gifts, anyone for that matter, but in recent years he had gotten better and it warmed her every time. 'Are we ready to dance?' Donna asked, jostling Harper on her hip as she turned a grin towards Grace.

Both girls nodded their approval, excitement building up inside of them. 'Our slippers?' The girls had their leotards and their tutus, but the elusive ballet slippers had been left at home in the bag Harvey forgot to pick up on his way out the door. He thought he had it handled, thought he was being smart in dressing the girls before heading out, but he was unused to the routine and what was required on ballet days. She shoes had been forgotten.

'I've got them.' Donna reassured her daughter, finger pointing to the bag at her feet. Harvey picked it up as he put Grace down on her feet.

'I told you Mom always saves the day.' He ruffled Grace's curls, her hair bouncing around her head as she tried to ruffle through the bag for her ballet slippers. 'Ok, let's head inside and we can put these on, yeah?' Grace was already skipping ahead, leading herself into the building and the cubby's where she could leave her sneakers while she wore the slippers required for class.

Harvey took Harper from Donna, lifting the girl out of her arms before setting her on her feet and telling her to follow her sister.

'How were they really?' Donna asked, the two of them trailing Harper into the building. The girls could be a handful, even for her on the best of days. Donna just wanted to know that her daughters deserved the ice cream Harvey would offer them on their way to dinner.

'Perfect, honestly.' She felt his hand find the small of her back once again, thumb stroking over her spine. 'Although, is there a reason why Grace has to be right more than Harper?'

Donna shrugged, 'She got that from you'.

'I thought we had a little more time before the one-upping started.' He could remember arguing with Markus, picking fights, stealing toys and general teasing but he was sure they were older than the girls are now. 'This one isn't going to fight with them.' He said it and yet he knew better, his other hand reaching for her stomach as he rubbed the curve of their third child.

She chuckled, eyes alight with humour and a knowing smile. 'Oh, Harvey, he doesn't stand a chance with those two for sisters.' Her hand joined his, fingers grazing his knuckles before she wrapped her hand around his arm and pushed herself onto her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

They sat like that while the girls followed their teacher around the room, Donna's arm entwined with his, her head on his shoulder, their fingers laced. The girls jumped and shimmied and twirled around on their toes, giggling as their tutu's bounced.

He needed to make more time for this. Donna, the girls, just _being_ with them and taking part in their schedule.

The girls got ten minutes at the end of the lesson for _free dance_ where the laughter of the small group of four-year-olds only increased as an energetic Taylor Swift song blasted through the speakers. He watched their broad grins, the joy shining on their faces as they jumped around the room, letting their little bodies move to the music. Harper broke away from the group, sprinting towards her parents as her little hands wrapped around her father's. 'Come dance, Daddy!' She giggled, pulling on his hands as her little body wiggled away from them.

Powerless, Harvey followed, Harper holding one hand while Grace came over to take the other. He danced with his daughters, the girls doing twirls at his feet, holding onto a single finger as they did so. He couldn't help but laugh, Harvey in his Tom Ford suit, dancing with his daughters and the other girls in their dance class. He could feel his heart expanding with love for them, the muscle clenching as it did when he found out about them and again when they were born. It was resizing, making room for another memory, expanding with his love for them. When Harvey looked towards Donna, ready to share his glee, she had her phone up, half obscuring her face as she recorded the moment they shared.

'Can you come every week?!' Grace beamed, sitting still beside her mother while Harvey knelt at her feet, lacing up her sneakers.

He wanted to. _God_, did he want to be there every week to watch them learn and grow but work wasn't always that simple. Meetings were scheduled, depositions had to be done, paperwork finished, trials to prepare for. He tried to be home; his secretary knew not to schedule him too late if she could help it. But that wasn't the job he had, a regular nine-to-five, where he could be home every day to spend time with his daughters.

'I'm going to make more of an effort, ok?' This time was fleeting, sure Grace would likely still with ballet until she was well into her teens, they would have recitals and competitions to attend, but this fun, this excitement of having their dad there, that time was limited. He didn't want to ruin it. 'Ready to go home?' Ray would be waiting outside for them already, ready to take them home for the evening.

Grace gave her father a nod, feet swinging with her shoes securely fastened. He picked her up in an easy movement, hoisting Grace on one hip as he reached for Harper to do the same on the other side. Donna rolled her eyes, a fond smile spreading across her lips at the vision of her husband, a daughter on each hip, cheeks still pink from dancing with them in their ballet class.

They had waited so long for this to happen, the marriage, the family, the life. It felt like if someone pinched them, they would wake up from an all too pleasant dream and it would all be over. No one had pinched him yet and Harvey was happy that they hadn't.

'Ready?' He asked Donna, making sure they were set.

'Ready.' Her warm smile touched him, setting Harvey alight with a love he never felt he deserved. Tonight, they would go home, cook dinner, bathe their daughters and put them to bed just as they had done every night since they were a few months old and like they would do for years to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, reviews keep me alive. Please let me know what you think and if you have any prompts I accept them at my Tumblr inbox!!


	3. #3 - Slip of the Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @paulsenmagic + @darveyxoxo: Donna pranks Harvey with a pregnancy announcement and he genuinely gets upset when he finds out it’s not true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I saw this idea on twitter I genuinely couldn't help myself. Thank you so much to the girls who allowed me to do it, I'm sorry it took me so long. It was harder than I had initially anticipated. I'm not 100% happy with it, and I'm a big believer on not posting unless you're happy but sometimes ya just gotta post anyway.
> 
> Also, big shout out to the people who take the time to comment. You are the real MVPs and I appreciate the heck out of you!!

Since getting married and moving to Seattle, Harvey made a vow about his work hours. In a new home, new stage of their relationship and new city it was vital now, more than ever, that he come home at a reasonable hour. They needed routine and ritual as well as a divide between home life and work life.

Some nights it couldn’t be helped. Trials needed to be prepped for, clients were difficult, and things simply had to be done then and there, in the moment. Donna usually stayed back a little later, simply to have dinner with her husband before heading home to let him have his space to work. Nights like that found her curled up on the couch, a throw blanket over her lap, a glass of wine in hand and Netflix rolling across the TV screen. She waited up for Harvey, either in the living room or in bed, on occasion, when he got back earlier than usual, he found her in the shower.

That night the TV was paused, Donna’s phone pressed to her ear as her friend chattered down the line. She had thought about inviting Rachel over when Harvey said it was going to be another late night but had eventually decided against it. When Rachel called and upheld conversation for well over an hour, Donna regretted her earlier decision to not make it a _girl’s night_.

‘Promise you won’t tell him,’ Rachel bargained, whispering secrets down the line. They were whispering like little girls on a sleepover despite the fact that Donna was sitting in an empty house, her only company the fictional characters currently paused on her screen.

Donna sighed, a smile pulling at her cheeks. She would never dream of spilling a secret Rachel asked her to keep. Unless it was for her own good. ‘Don’t worry, Rachel. I’m not––’ She heard the front door click shut, body jumping at the unexpected sound. ‘––Harvey’s home, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’ Her heart picked up a flutter in her chest, finger pressing _end call_ on her phone screen as she listened to the sound of Harvey’s footsteps in the hall.

He looked tired when he appeared from around the corner, exhausted by the long day he miraculously managed to slog through. ‘Hey,’ Harvey grinned, eyes lighting up once he saw her. He moved for the couch, hands bracing himself against the top of the structure before he leaned in to drop a kiss to her lips in greeting.

‘Hey,’ Donna echoed back, voice soft. It baffled her to find how easily he could render her to nothing stronger than jelly. Even after a year, he still took her breath away with a simple kiss. ‘How’d you go tonight?’ She asked, hand wrapped around his wrist, limb following his movement as Harvey stepped around the couch to sit beside her. His hand landed on her knee, squeezing as Donna shifted closer to his body, legs almost in his lap.

Harvey sighed, ‘good enough’. It was Donna’s turn to lean in and kiss him, her lips a little more persistent than his had been as her body pressed itself closer. He was home, a whole hour earlier than she expected. There would be no questioning that. ‘Who were you talking to?’ He asked, faces still close as she pulled away from their kiss.

‘Rachel.’ The name didn’t concern him anymore, not now that the two women had more personal contact since the move. Before that, he had poked her about the secrets she was sharing with her best friend as soon as they had happened. Harvey had caught Donna a time too many detailing her sex life to her quasi sister, sure these details used to be shared in person before she moved to Seattle. ‘Just talking about stuff.’ She shrugged, offering an answer before he could ask a question.

‘Oh yeah,’ Harvey hummed. ‘What kind of stuff?’ His hand was heavy on her knee, thick fingers squeezing as he stole her wine glass right out of her hand and took a sip.

Donna shrugged, ‘just stuff’.

He frowned, lip twisting and brow curling as he looked at her. Donna wasn’t usually so hesitant to be forthcoming. ‘Okay …’ He drew out the word, watching her with intrigue as he finished off what was left in her glass. ‘It doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that it’s Mike’s birthday in a few weeks, does it?’

Donna shook her head, red hair bouncing around her face. ‘Nope.’

‘Rachel must be planning something big.’ He chuckled, sitting forward to place the wine glass on the coffee table, out of his hands and out of the way. From the corner of his eye he could see Donna squirm, for an actress she had a lot of tells when she was lying.

‘I’ll have you know,’ Donna started as Harvey sat back, his fingers sliding around her calf and pulling her legs into his lap. ‘We weren’t even talking about Mike. We were talking about me.’ Harvey raised a brow that only made Donna sit up straighter, hips wiggling as she did so, determination climbing up her spine and setting itself across her face. She bit her bottom lip, rolling the tissue into her mouth to hide the tell-tale sign that he had her. Donna was stubborn and she wouldn’t let him _read_ her that easily. ‘Because I’m pregnant.’ The words were out, tumbling from her lips in a desperate attempt to be one step ahead of his cocky, all-knowing grin.

The air around them seemed to stop. Nothing moved, Harvey’s breath caught in his chest as Donna stared at him, shell-shocked that she even said those words. Slow, like the Cheshire Cat he could be, Harvey’s grin grew. It tugged at the corners of his lips, sliding up his face and spread deep into his cheeks. There was a light in his eyes that made Donna’s heart stop.

‘Oh my god,’ she breathed, forcing the words out around a tight throat. ‘I don’t know why I just said that.’ Her hand covered her mouth. ‘I’m not pregnant, Harvey.’ It was there that she caught it, staring at him from beneath her disbelief, the split moment––barely noticeable––where his face fell into the depth of upset and her stomach plummeted in response. ‘We were talking about Mike’s birthday. It’s just that Rachel asked me not to tell.’

His hands were still on her leg, the pressure light as if he wanted to pull away but had nowhere else to place them. ‘You could have just said that.’

_Shit_. ‘I’m sorry. I just––I panicked.’ Her hands reached for his arm, fingers squeezing. ‘I didn’t even think … it just _came out_.’ She was looking for a way to get him off her back, their playful banter reaching a corner where she knew she would spill the beans Rachel asked her not to spill. But Donna hadn’t even thought of _that_ before the words slipped past her tongue and sucker punched her husband. ‘Wait.’ She stopped, fingers loosening their grip on his forearm, eyes flicking back to his hurt ones. ‘You were happy?’ His face lit up like New York City on the last second of the year when she had said those words.

‘Of course, I was happy!’ He sounded defensive, hurt that he had been caught in a moment of weakness. ‘Why wouldn’t I be, Donna?’

She felt her heart sink a little further, her eyes watching his shimmer with nothing but honesty. Donna shrugged, teeth gnawing at the inside of her cheek. ‘We’ve never really talked about it, I guess. I just didn’t know.’ She knew enough to understand that her husband wouldn’t force a decision on her if the time came. She knew that he wouldn’t _hate_ the idea of a child, especially now they’re married. Donna just wasn’t sure about the level of his excitement. He had a rough childhood, a somewhat absent father, a mother who made him hold adult secrets, maybe he just _didn’t_ want to have kids. They had been too busy settling into hurriedly married life, moving to Seattle, getting married a second time, honeymoon and finding their _place_ in a new city with new jobs. Babies had been the very last on a long list of things they had to shuffle through.

‘I know time is kind of running out and all that, but I love you and raising a _family_ with you would make me the happiest man in the world.’

‘Really?’ She felt breathless, tears burning in her eyes. Harvey Specter wasn’t known for his emotional confessions and there he was, sitting right there with her legs in his lap, telling her he would be happy to have babies with her. ‘Do you want to try?’ She asked hesitantly despite everything he just said.

Harvey looked at her, head tilted to the side as if he was taking a moment to think. His face split into a wide grin. ‘Yeah. Do you?’ Donna wasn’t sure if they would have walked this path in New York, but then again, she hadn’t been a married woman while they lived there. It was just cosy Seattle had left her with a lot of downtime that suddenly felt empty.

Donna bit her lip, a habit-forming inside this conversation. ‘We’ll be in our sixties when she’s graduating from high school, nearing seventy when she finishes college.’ Her eyes dropped away from his.

‘We won’t be the only ones.’ He gave her thigh a squeeze.

‘I don’t know if I want my kids to worry about my health.’ She took a deep breath, her chest stuttering as she did so, tears building up once again. Harvey opened his mouth and Donna knew exactly what he was going to say. It could happen no matter her age. She could have had kids a decade ago and ended up sick, had an accident, been hurt. His mom wasn’t all that old and yet a heart attack took her. One day she will have to look at putting her parents into an assisted living facility, or a retirement village where they would continue to wither and age. It just happens.

‘Do you know the success rate of getting pregnant after forty-five is only around three per cent?’ Donna felt her throat contract around her words and a second later Harvey was giving her a supportive squeeze. ‘Fertility treatment can take years. I just––I’m scared of wasting our time in going down that road, Harvey. What if I can’t get pregnant? What if I can but my body can’t support it. I don’t want to get our hopes up for us to only have nothing at the end of it.’ A tear fell, sliding down her cheek before stopping at the corner of her mouth. ‘I would have liked to have a baby. Why did we waste so much time, Harvey?’

When a whimper wobbled past her lips, Harvey moved. He pulled his wife into his lap, arms wrapping around her as he kissed the side of her head. It felt like he could only say sorry so many times before the whole thing became redundant. They weren’t ready, they hadn’t been ready and he hated himself for not fixing it sooner, especially now as she cried in his lap.

‘Hey,’ he brushed her hair back from her face. ‘It’s not too late. What if we spend the rest of the year trying, but not actively trying? We’ll throw the contraceptives out, eat better, limit the alcohol, take our vitamins and if it doesn’t happen by January, we call it off and wait for Mike and Rachel to have kids.’ He knew they would have a better chance with fertility specialists, but that was another layer of hope Donna clearly didn’t want to have stacked on top of her deck.

‘I’ll be devastated if something goes wrong.’ She whispered the sound part whimper and Harvey felt his chest crack open for her.

He kissed her cheek, hands still moving through her hair. ‘I know.’ If he could turn back the clock, knowing what he knew now, he would have come to his senses sooner. ‘We don’t have to. I just, if it’s what you want, I don’t want to miss our shot.’ He also didn’t want his wife hurt.

Donna nodded; lips pressed to the curve where his shoulder meets his neck. ‘Fuck it.’ She said, kiss trailing up his throat, nipping at his skin as her touch climbed.

Harvey steadied himself with his hands on her hips. ‘Are you sure?’ Donna nodded before capturing his lips in a searing kiss, her touch tasting of the tears she had shed. ‘Because we really don’t have to.’ He managed to breathe when she broke the kiss.

‘Harvey,’ Donna paused her hands on his shoulders, body centred in his lap. ‘Shut up and get me pregnant.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always comments keep me alive! Let me know what you think!


	4. #4 - wasn't meant to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sapphicsrlit on twitter: so what if donna had a miscarriage after the other time and never told harvey about it and he only finds out by accident [...] and he just feels betrayed that donna never told him that she was pregnant in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a slut for this shit, so you can bet I was all over it. 
> 
> Set around 8.07. This takes place around 8.07, I wanted something that would feel genuine/could potentially happen on the show. This is what came out of my brain. Enjoy!

Louis had sought her out quietly towards the end of the day when the firm had started to empty. Associates were heading out to bed and bars, satisfied with another job well done while some others lingered, paperwork unfinished, reports still left to read. It was quiet, the usual daytime buzz turned down to easy static, the hallways bare bar a delivery man or two bringing dinner to those who thought they could make it through the night.

He looked as lost as she felt, standing in front of her desk, sharing something deeply personal. Louis wasn’t one for boundaries, he crossed lines left, right and centre concerning matters no one in the workplace needed to be privy to. This time he was quiet, the door closed, sitting in a chair opposite her desk. He had been so happy two days ago and now he looked down, despondent and forlorn. She had hugged him when he was finished, teary-eyed and a little lost, neither of them knowing exactly what to say.

‘It’ll work out.’ Donna managed to find her voice, words slipping out with the intention to comfort. Louis twitched a smile, small but present. He wanted this  _ so _ bad and Donna could understand the empty feeling he felt knowing right now wasn’t his time.

He left her office looking a little more whole, happy to get his story off his chest as he bid her goodnight and she wished him luck. She was left standing, with shaking hands and a hole shot right through her chest. His words resurged a thought, that in the last decade, left her well enough alone. It crept right back in, alongside Louis’ story as her chest ached and her stomach clenched in sympathy for her friend. Her legs were unsteady beneath her, not promising to keep her upright as she pushed forward, out of her office and into Harvey’s.

‘You free for a drink?’ Donna asked, not sure if she wanted one herself or if it was just the company. Working at his desk, Harvey looked up. He was used to her walking in and out whenever she pleased, making comments, questions and demands regardless of the fact that she was COO now. She knew that he would hear the difference in her voice, the tired exhaustion that had climbed inside of her and settle with heavy pressure against her shoulders. He could read her just as easily as she read him, the only difference was that Harvey didn’t always voice what he saw.

He watched her settle herself into the corner of his office sofa, heavy sigh falling from her lips. Wordlessly, Harvey stood, abandoning his work for the decanter of scotch and two glasses now that Donna was waiting for him. ‘What’s going on?’ He eyed her suspiciously, watching as she tried to pull herself together with fingers on her temples, rubbing away the ache that lay there. He approached, slowly, with calculated risk as his arm extended the amber filled tumbler towards her.

She didn’t want to talk about that; Louis, Sheila, a false positive. She just wanted some respite, a moment of peace in a space she felt comfortable. Things had been strained between them over the last few months; her resignation, promotion, Mike and Rachel leaving,  _ Paula _ . It hadn’t been easy and yet, now that the waters had calmed to a soft lull of moving water, barely forming peaks with the current, she felt safe here once again. She just wanted to sit, to bask in the company of someone else as Harvey took her mind off thoughts that hadn’t touched her this vividly for years.

He sat in the armchair beside the sofa, the seat he usually occupied which allowed for space to exist between them. They couldn’t accidentally sit to close, thighs touching, hands flying out to grasp the other for their physical attention mid-conversation. Here, there was distance, a physical barrier in the arm of the chair. She could slide past him, getting up to fetch another drink from the decanter he left beside his desk, her thighs gracing his knees, bodies too close. Harvey wouldn’t wish for it, it felt like tempting fate on something he wasn’t ready to take action on.

‘I spoke to Mike today.’ He offered; glass poised at his lips.

Donna smiled, her face lifting, eyes sparkling as a smile stretched across her cheeks. She watched him, trying to read his thoughts before he spoke, anticipating the next move. ‘How are they doing?’ She had heard from Rachel too, a constant stream of texts and hour-long phone calls since the day they left. But Harvey was different, he didn’t always reach out to those he was missing. Instead, he sat on the defence, scorned and abandoned. She knew Mike was giving him time to come to terms with things before he called to check in.

‘Good.’ He nodded, swallowing amber liquid. ‘It hasn’t stopped raining since they arrived.’ Donna chuckled, Rachel had told her the same thing, bemoaning the weather they knew to anticipate but had not entirely been expecting. ‘They sound happy.’ He forced a smile, downing another mouthful as he watched her. ‘He’s already trying to rope me into going out there.’ Harvey told her with a scoff, half rolling his eyes as Donna raised a brow.

‘Hey, who knows, Seattle could be perfect for you.’ She teased, knowing how badly he missed his friend and how quietly betrayed Harvey was feeling in Mike’s departure. Harvey quirked his brow, scepticism dancing off his features as he watched her smile. ‘What? You don’t think Zane Specter Litt need a West Coast office?’

‘We have a perfectly good office here in the only city that matters.’ The rumble of his laugh was a relief to hear, homely and warm as it seemed to reach out and rush over her. ‘What was going on with Louis today?’ He doused her with cold water in an instant; caught her, just like that. She wasn’t going to tell him, didn’t want to tell him and then the words were right there––like they were talking about Mike and Rachel in Seattle––slipping out of her mouth without a thought.

‘He’s a little rattled. Sheila thought she was pregnant, turns out it was a false positive.’ Her eyes slid away from his, watching the floor at the foot of his desk, not willing herself to look up.

Harvey’s armchair creaked. ‘I thought he wanted kids.’

‘He does.’ She answered around a lump in her throat. ‘It’s easy to get your hopes up in a moment like that.’ She answered, feeling her mind pull in as she teetered on the edge of a conversation she didn’t want to have. ‘It’s just, when you get that positive, so many things go through your head. Shock, fear … joy. Suddenly, everything’s possible. Mentally you’re living days, weeks, months into the future and then suddenly you’re back in the present. No baby. It’s gut-wrenching.’ Donna chanced a look, her eyes meeting Harvey’s concerned gaze, the man poised on the edge of his chair, his glass of scotch hanging between his knees. ‘It’s just an  _ idea _ in the beginning and it changes everything.’

A beat passed, a second, a third as Donna swallowed hard, her gut churning and her mind unable to focus. ‘Why does it sound like you are talking from experience?’

It would take nothing more than the twitch of her tongue to tell him something different, to say she witnessed a friend go through it, to lie. ‘It was years ago,’ the words found her. ‘I miscarried at eight weeks.’ She tried to give him a little shrug, to play it off in and out of her head, like it hadn’t crawled out of the recesses of her mind to remind her of every painful moment. She loved Louis, she did, and now more than ever she felt his pain. 

‘When?’ She could hear his voice wet with pity, apology, sympathy, fear and a flurry of other emotions, all fluttering around a two-syllable word and a question that seemed to permeate the air around them. Her stomach clenched, churned around a memory.  _ Something’s wrong _ , her voice from years ago muttering to herself, swimming around in her head.

Donna closed her eyes; she didn’t want to get into this with him. ‘I don’t  _ remember _ , Harvey,’ she half whined his name. ‘I barely even think about it.’ At least that was the truth, it had pushed itself so far out of her mind it barely crossed her conscience. She didn’t think about how––if it hadn’t slipped away––they would be nearing twelve-years-old. Donna didn’t torture herself with the details, little boy with a cocky smirk or a girl with fast wit. Except that she did. It crossed her mind once or twice a year, anniversary dates that seemed to pop up in her mind like clockwork that allowed her time to mentally prepare.

‘When?’ He asked again, a little more forceful and Donna could hear everything he wasn’t going to say, everything he would barely let himself think. Internally, he was begging for multiple different outcomes, unsure of what he wanted. Mark. Mitchell. Stephen. Every outcome twisted up inside of him. She could see, in the tension radiating off of him, in his desire to put further distance between them that he already knew what the answer was.

‘Thirteen years ago. When we––‘

Harvey stood from his seat, practically throwing himself out of the chair as it wobbled in his absence. He was silent, stoic as he moved for the window.

She watched him, able to do so now that he wasn’t looking at her. Harvey’s jaw was tense, held tight as he ground down on his teeth, fingers clutching his glass desperately. She never allowed herself to think of  _ this. _ Telling him. When the thought entered her mind, her future and what it could have been, it only ever contained her baby. Harvey stayed out of it; she wouldn’t allow herself anything more.

‘Why,’ he stopped to clear his throat. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ His eyes shot daggers, dark and empty as he turned to her in the quiet light of his office, his presence loud and large, chaotic energy he couldn’t usually control. He wasn’t angry at her, she knew that, could see it in the pain that shimmered in his brown eyes. 

Donna looked away, teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she watched her fingers play nervously with her glass. ‘My rule.’ Her voice was quiet, void of strength in a move that was entirely un-Donna, Harvey didn’t know how to retort. ‘It was messy, Harvey.’ She found a little courage on a stuttered breath. ‘It was only going to make things  _ messy. _ ’ Eyes met his, brown bleeding into brown, trying to convey a decade and a half of history. ‘I was going to tell you, had  _ planned _ to tell you … and then I lost it.’ Her voice wobbled, office dim enough to remind her of her moonlit apartment that night. The silver light was cool on her bedsheets as she reached across to turn the covers down, a pang in her belly growing tighter, persistent, uncomfortable until she was hunched over the mattress wondering who she was supposed to call. She had, sadly enough, considered calling Harvey before she dialled the number of a nearby friend. ‘There wasn’t any use afterwards. It wouldn’t have done either of us any good.’

‘But, I––‘ He stopped, faltered, came up short. Harvey was angry, she could see it in the twitch up his arm and the flex of his jaw. It was self-directed anger, the kind that usually bubbled up inside of him until it boiled over.

If he knew, if she had told him all those years ago, they only would have looked at each other and wondered about a possible future they were never going to have. He would throw a Specter smile in her direction and she would wonder if their daughter would be capable of that wattage if she would be on the debate team or in the drama club, whether she would play baseball and surpass her father’s batting average or if she would keep out of sport altogether.

‘––Would have wanted to do the right thing.’ She finished for him, watching as he stepped across the room to face the city skyline. ‘There was no  _ right thing _ , Harvey. I lost it. End of story. I know what you’re thinking, but the man you were twelve years ago, does not match the man you are now. You wouldn’t have been ready for it.’ He never would have asked her to do anything, the choice would have been hers and he would have supported it. It was just, Harvey––at the time––wasn’t ready for the slightest of commitments let alone a  _ baby. _ He just wanted Donna on his desk to help him be a better man. He  _ needed _ it to be uncomplicated. ‘Everything worked out exactly how it should have.’

Donna joined him, glass of scotch left on the coffee table, her hand an inch away from his as they stood side by side at the window. She listened to him breathe, watched his reflection try to unclench his jaw as he stared off at the city for moments more. ‘For what it’s worth, I am sorry I didn’t tell you.’ Her pinkie bumped his palm, eyes meeting in the reflection on the glass. This pensive Harvey bothered her, the one who beat himself up inside and never let anyone in to repair the damage. This wasn’t his fault. There was nothing there to be dwelled on. But, if he wanted to mourn, to wonder what if, she was there, she was ready to  _ share _ with him in any capacity he wanted. They had been through enough now and he had changed, for the better.

His hand engulfed hers thick fingers wrapping themselves around her smaller palm, holding for dear life. ‘I’m sorry’  _ that you had to go through it alone, that you couldn’t come to me, that I wasn’t ready.  _ It wasn’t his burden to bear, to feel guilty. She had carried it for thirteen years, unbothered, her secret. They weren’t ready. She would have liked it, just as she would have wanted more from him back then. It just wasn’t meant to be, and Donna had long since come to peace with that.

She never wanted to push Harvey into something he wasn’t ready for. They stood there, his hand holding onto hers as she waited for his fight or flight response to kick in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what to do! Leave a review!


	5. #5 - wasn't meant to be (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Harvey's mind tries to deal with the aftermath of Donna telling him she miscarried their baby thirteen years ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was heavily inspired by the 6.11 dream scene that I rewatched last night and just die every time I see it. Can y'all really believe he had dreams like that? Wild!
> 
> I have been meaning to write this lil one-shot sequel since I posted the previous one. Sorry that it took so long.

Otis Redding was crooning as Harvey swayed in the kitchen of his sunlit apartment. It wasn’t a proper wake up unless a record was playing in the other room, soft sounds reaching out to him as Harvey prepped and poured coffee in the kitchen. He hummed to himself, carried away with the music as he balanced two mugs in his hand and made towards the bedroom.

The golden hour was upon them, basking everything in a yellow glow as warm light stretched across the floorboards in front of the open master doors.

It was the kind of chilly morning that he could sense outside, lingering on the class but his temperature control kept it perfectly warm inside, the sunlight adding to the warmth in patches on his flooring, heating his bare feet as he padded across the floor. The golden hour was upon them, basking everything in a honeyed glow as sunlight stretched across the floorboards from the gap in the open master door.

Harvey stepped up into the bedroom, eyes on the coffee in his mugs, watching it slip precariously close to the edge. He had been warned about filling it so high, but Harvey liked a little of the unexpected in his life, like the vanilla added for flavour.

Donna was propped up in the middle of the bed, blankets rumbled around her, hair tied up in a glorious messy bun of untamed ginger curls that caught the sunlight streaming through his open curtains. Her face was turned down to the small baby cradled in her arms, smile bright and warm on her face, pushing into her cheeks in a way that made his own do the same. She was glorious, radiant and glowing despite the lack of sleep that felt like it had been years since he last made it through the night. It had only been a matter of days since they started gracing his bed as a duo and Harvey couldn’t care less about the early mornings and inconsistent schedule.

For the first time in a long while, he felt truly happy.

Harvey took a sip from one of the mugs before he set it down on the bedside table and climbed into the warmth of their shared bed. ‘How’re my girls?’ He could swear his heart grew in size every time he looked at them, Donna naturally a natural and that tiny little girl she held so completely precious he couldn’t put it into words.

‘We’re perfect.’ Donna lifted her chin, tearing her eyes off the baby at her breast to beam at Harvey. ‘Absolutely perfect.’ They were inches apart, his shoulder bumped up against hers, as close as they could possibly get and yet it didn’t feel close enough.

‘I couldn’t have said it better myself.’ Harvey smiled, lips pulling up in his signature smirk as he leaned in, nose nudging against hers, lips grazing. ‘Thank you.’ He breathed, mouths still touching, eyes closed.

He felt her lips pulling up into another dazzling smile, her nose brushing against his. ‘Shouldn’t I be thanking you?’ The scent of vanilla spiked coffee tangled in the air around them, keeping them going on the promise of the hot liquid in their mugs.

Harvey shook his head, the movement slight, his nose brushing hers before he stole a kiss from her lips. ‘I wanted to thank you for everything.’ He whispered. ‘For _her_, for making me see.’ He felt whole sitting there with her, Donna cosy in his bed where she had slept for the better part of the night, a bassinet by the bed, the baby making the sweetest noises he had ever heard as she nursed in her mothers’ arms. This was it; his forever wrapped up in a single moment, the morning perfect and precise.

‘You’re still not seeing, Harvey’ Her voice was flat, bored, almost annoyed with him.

Harvey felt his vision blur, confusion clamping down on his brain as everything inside of him ceased thinking. ‘What?’ He choked, pulling away from her.

Donna was scowling at him, the soft edges of her hard, critical. ‘This isn’t real.’ The ease that had shrouded him in the warmth of his dream shattered, his heart splintering.

In the agonising seconds it took for his heart to find a beat again, his warm, homely scene was gone. Harvey was left, shot upright, in the dark of his bedroom alone. There was no Donna, no baby, no remnant left behind that promised they still existed in that space and were just gone for the moment.

It wasn’t real and he didn’t want to dwell on it any longer than it took to pull himself out of bed and step under the scolding heat of his shower. There was no use lingering, no use trying to reach for it again. It was just a dream like so many others before it. Donna wasn’t his, he couldn’t allow himself to think like that.

And yet … there she was in his subconscious, sneaking herself into dreams that filled him in ways he could never fully describe. He didn’t want to shake her, but he had to, for his own sanity, for peace of mind, to ensure that they could keep working harmoniously.


	6. your dreams, they reassure me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey dreams about the future he and his wife will have

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So, I posted the last one-shot earlier but was working on these simultaneously. I couldn't decide what I wanted more: one that ended on a sad note or one that ended happy so I wrote both.
> 
> I had tweeted last night about Harvey dreaming of he and Donna having soft moments together and now that they're married he probably dreams about them having soft moments with babies. 
> 
> This ties in with 'intuition'

The sunlight streamed warm and white through a gap in the curtains, two halves not quite met in the middle the night before. Harvey could feel it warm across his face, the sunlight stretching across his cheek, narrowly missing the thin skin of his eyelids.

He moved, stretching out muscles that lay dormant in his sleep with a slow and practised as his body reset. He was warm there, perfectly content to close his eyes for a few more minutes, lapping up the warmth of the sun. Time could be stolen in moments like this. It felt easy to let go, no regrets to be made as he settled himself deeper into his pillow, his mind slowly wandering off to another place.

‘Daddy?’ A little voice called to him, the sound and name off young lips set his heart to jump. The blankets snuffled, shifting around his shoulders as the body of the voice wriggled and moved until it was tucked up right next to his. ‘Daddy?’ The sound was lighter now like they knew he was awake, only seconds before a little finger poked him in the cheek.

‘Ivy.’ He grumbled playfully, arm reaching out to tug her small body into his chest. She giggled, the sound eliciting a deep chuckle of his own as the baby smell of her shampoo filled his nose and her too warm body settled against his own.

‘You wake, Daddy?’ She asked, almost cracking his chest open with the soft innocence of her voice, the stumble of her words. She was still against him, bar from a small hand that was playing with the neckline of his shirt.

‘I am now.’ He grumbled, humoured rather than annoyed. He tugged her closer, remembering a time where she used to snuggle into him and fall back asleep. Those days felt rare and distant now, saved for when the day had been long and tiring.

She wriggled out of his grip, body still nearby as she heaved out a heavy sigh, her hand still holding on to his shirt. He opened his eyes then, greeted by the sight of his little girl, a smiling strawberry blonde. She beamed when his eyes met hers, finally awake.

‘Where’s Mama?’ He asked, finding the rest of their large bed empty, sheets rumpled.

‘Makin’ pancakes!’ Ivy’s hazel eyes grew wide, round like large saucers. There was nothing Ivy Specter wouldn’t do for pancakes; they were his main bargaining tool when it came to the three-year-old in his bed.

He made a face at her, exaggerating his excitement. ‘C’mon, we should go help.’ He pulled himself from the warmth of the bed before turning to scoop Ivy into his arms. She was getting so big, independent with her age, but he lived for these little moments where she wanted to be carried, in her footed pyjamas, from one room of their house to another.

He held her tight, savouring her warmth as she dropped her head to his shoulder and relaxed her weight in his arms. They moved from the quiet upstairs of their suburban home to the kitchen below where they were greeted with the smooth jazz of Gordon Specter’s records.

‘There’s my sleepy helpers.’ Donna beamed, wishing them both a good morning as Harvey rounded the kitchen island to kiss her cheek. Ivy wiggled free from his grasp, spotting a plate of pancakes and strawberries already waiting for her in her usual spot at the island. It was waiting for her, like her mother knew precisely the moment she would appear, ready for breakfast. ‘You’re both on clean up duty once you’ve eaten.’

Ivy grumbled; cheeks already squirrelled from how much she had tried to shove in her mouth at once. She looked so big sitting at the island, able to pull herself into her own chair, sitting there in baby pyjamas with her hair a mess. Harvey couldn’t help the tug of his heartstrings as he watched her. She was _theirs_. Harvey felt like he had to pinch himself sometimes.

‘Why don’t you go sit down, I’ll finish this.’ He gestured to the last of the batter, watching as his wife rubbed a hand against the small of her back, belly protruding from the shirt she wore. Donna opened her mouth to protest but he stopped her with a kiss. ‘Ivy’s fed, there’s a plat for you … sit down, give your body a rest. It’s trying to grow a second kid.’

‘No thanks to you.’ She grumbled with a soft pout.

‘Hey, you enjoyed it at the time.’ He kissed her again, a familiar peck on the lips. She smiled, her faux anger gone as she picked up a plate and took a seat beside their daughter. ‘Alright. Any requests before I close the kitchen for cleaning?’ He looked from one redhead to the other, both of them happy with the meal Donna prepared. ‘Ivy? Want ice-cream with those pancakes?’

He watched as simultaneously his daughter beamed and his wife scowled.

‘Yes!’ Ivy practically climbed onto the countertop at the mention of ice-cream, her grin wide and toothy.

‘Harvey!’

‘What? It’s just a little bit of ice-cream in the morning. I remember you telling me once that Chunky Monkey was perfectly fine to eat in the mornings.’ He threw her a smirk before turning to the freezer for the ice-cream. ‘I bet the baby would like some ice-cream.’ He popped the lid on the container, two bowls, spoons and an ice-cream scoop pulled from their respective homes.

Ivy watched them, eyes torn between the interaction her parents were having and the coveted tub of vanilla ice-cream that only came out of the freezer when she had been particularly good. ‘Does the baby want ice-cream, Mama?’

Donna was quiet, eyes on her plate as Harvey put a small bowl of ice-cream beside their daughter, his body warm against Donna’s shoulder. ‘I know you’re trying to be a responsible parent, leading by example and all … but if _the baby_ wants the ice-cream, who are we to deny it?’ He put the second bowl down beside her plate, kissing her cheek before he returned to the other side of the counter.

Harvey finished booking what was left of the batter, emptying the bowl into the pan and pretending not to notice as his wife picked up the offending bowl of forbidden ice-cream and tipped it onto her breakfast.

Distracted by the humour of it all, Harvey missed the sink, dropping the empty bowl of batter on the floor, the glass shattering at a piercing volume.

The sound was enough to wake him, jolting Harvey upright. He was alone in the sunlit bedroom, space bare of all his things, replaced now with moving boxes. He reached across to Donna’s side of the bed. The sound of breaking glass, loud, even in his bedroom, had ripped him out of the quietest dream. The unexpectedness of it, and unknown, caused Harvey’s heart to pound, organ picking up a beat in his chest as he threw himself out of bed in a panic.

‘Donna?’ He called, stepping through the empty apartment. He thought he made it all up, a split second where his mind told him everything he knew was a dream––that Donna wasn’t there in his apartment, that the ring he could feel on his finger was a phantom weight––but there she was, standing up from behind the counter, cheeks pink, expression frazzled. ‘Hey? Are you okay?’ He asked, stepping around moving boxes to get to her.

‘Shit, sorry. _Shit_. I didn’t want to wake you.’

‘Too late for that now, hey?’ He reached for her, hands sliding around her waist, pulling her body into his as he kissed her good morning, soaking up the relief that she was still there; that at least wasn’t a dream. ‘I needed to get up anyway, the first truck is coming today, and we still have boxes everywhere.’ He stepped away from her, trying to access the glass shards on the floor and his best plan of attack. ‘Why don’t you go put your feet up? You don’t want to overdo it.’ She was barely four months pregnant, hardly showing and despite the excessive morning sickness, was perfectly out of risk for _overdoing it_.

Donna only hummed, the sound non-committal as Harvey shuffled her away from the broken glass on the floor. He knew she was distracted, had been for the last week and where it was uncharacteristic to see her like that, they didn’t bring it up when little things like this happened.

It was the move. 

They both wanted it, both knew and felt that it was a step in a good direction for them. But now she was pregnant and the closer they got to their big move date; the more frazzled Donna seemed to become. It felt silly leaving their families now, moving to the other side of the country when her parents––her _mom_––will be in Connecticut. They had talked about it, had already put off the move for a few more weeks until they were confident about the baby and their decision. She still wanted to go, wanted to be closer to Mike and Rachel, wanted to help Harvey achieve something _great_ but with the date looming, he knew a confused dread was building up in her.

Harvey made quick work on cleaning the glass off the floor, disposing of it all in the bin before he washed his hands, finished brewing her favourite tea and joined her on the couch. ‘You feeling alright?’

‘Yeah, I just I woke up a few hours ago and couldn’t get back to sleep.’ There wasn’t a shake or a tremor in her hands as she took the tea with a thankful smile. ‘We move in three days.’

‘I know.’ He offered her a comforting smile. ‘Are you still sure about this?’ He would drop anything, _do_ anything if she asked for it. This whole move can be called off; he hadn’t sold his apartment yet, they still had a home here in New York City, they still had jobs there if they wanted them too. They were both due for some time off, more than what they’ve had since getting married and deciding the West Coast should be their new home. They could take that time, enjoy her pregnancy, travel a little, welcome their baby into the world. ‘You know, I was having a really good dream before you broke that glass.’

‘Yeah?’ She stretched her legs out into his lap.

‘Yeah.’ He smiled, eyes closing for the briefest of seconds where he felt like Ivy was right there again, cuddled up with them on the couch. ‘We had a little girl. Her name was Ivy.’

Donna’s hand wandered over her stomach, fingers splaying across the small bump there. Sighing the words after him. _A little girl._ _‘Ivy?_’

‘Ivy.’ He breathed. ‘She was beautiful, Donna.’ A lump built up in the back of his throat, Harvey startling himself by the emotion he felt. ‘You were pregnant again.’

‘Two kids?’ She sounded awed, eyes shining. It wasn’t like either of them believed in this sort of thing but to hear Harvey tell her he had dreamed of them, with babies, not just the one she was carrying. It was _something_ so much more than she ever expected.

‘Two.’

‘Please tell me you gave me some time to recover between babies.’ She teased, exhausted already.

‘Ivy was three, I think. I felt like I _just _knew. Like I had been there, known her forever.’ She shuffled closer to him, legs still in his lap, bodies closer.

‘It must have been some dream.’ She kissed him, leaning her body towards his. ‘Sorry that I woke you.’

Harvey returned her kiss, soft and slow, no apology necessary. ‘Do you remember that house Rachel sent us photos of last week?’ She nodded, nose brushing his. ‘I dreamed we were in that kitchen.’

‘You don’t need to talk me into this move, Harvey.’

‘I wasn’t trying to. I just, I don’t know. It felt so real like that’s where we’re headed a few years from now and it just felt reassuring to know that it took place in a house we liked. I know you want to look at our options once we’re there … but this one, I think it’s it.’

She smiled, warm and bright like she was everything he ever needed. Reminiscent of a little girl he had dreamed about. ‘Harvey.’

‘Donna.’

Her smile grew. ‘I asked Rachel to make an offer on that house yesterday.’

It felt like only one movement, removing the mug from her hands and pulling Donna into his lap, his mouth on hers, tongue invading. Of course, she would do that. She knew him better than he knew himself. She always knew what they needed and when they needed it, and even though they were both feeling apprehensive on this move, she was making plans, setting things in motion, ensuring they would have a home. ‘I love you.’

‘Good thing you married me, hey.’

‘And got you pregnant.’ Harvey added.

‘That too.’ She laughed, burying her head against his neck, breathing him in for the minute. ‘I wish I could have experienced that dream with you.’ She kissed him, peppering her lips across his neck, chest and cheeks, her hands warm and steady against his shoulders, Harvey’s holding onto her waist.

His thumbs stroked over the new curve of her stomach, firm under his touch. ‘You already are.’


End file.
